Necessary Endings-Dr. Henry Cloud Simulcast Part 2

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Book Summaries, Books, Henry Cloud, Leadership, Leadership Resources, Uncategorized
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This is the second installment of my notes from a recent simulcast presented by GiANT Impact featuring Dr. Henry Cloud discussing content from his most recent book, Necessary Endings.

Hurt vs. Harm

Is hurting someone bad?

There is a difference in hurt and harm!

Going to the dentist can hurt you but also be good for you. It may hurt you but doesn’t harm you. Instead the hurt you experience for a short time causes you to heal and feel good for the long term.

Sometimes there must be pain in order for individuals and organizations to effectively grow.

Sometimes a person needs to be hurt with the hard truth about their performance and/or behavior issues in order to change and become an effective part of the organization or potentially be pruned from organization if that change is not embraced and realized.

Hard for people to step up and takes steps to wound people in order for progress to be made. You can effectively hurt people without harming them. There is a difference.

We all need a little pain of reality at times in order to grow and develop.

Hard sometimes when we make a shift.

You may have developed high pain threshold over the years that is allowing you to put up with a lot of junk you need to put a stop to.

  • You may have learned to tolerate a lot of the pain of poor performance from your team because to you the pain of dealing with it seems greater than the pain of living with the negative consequences and pain of living with their poor performance does.

How do you develop your mental maps?

  • You rely on your past experiences to direct you until you proactively take new steps and behaviors that change your mental maps.
  • You must change mental map show that you don’t tolerate performance below the standard.
  • Energy drain–> if something is draining you physically and mentally it may be a clue as to what you should act upon. It may be pointing out a necessary ending for you to act upon.

Sometimes you are so loyal that the relationship no longer works.

Your loyalty actually inhibits your success. Sometimes there needs to be a necessary ending to your relationships in order to make progress. This does not always mean an end to the relationship, it may just me an adjustment to the nature of the relationship. The relationship may need to be restructured in order for both you and the organization to grow and prosper.

Sometimes you need to restructure the relationship, but you can restructure the relationship and still be loyal.

Diagnosing the Necessary Endings

Sometimes we have the correct maps to diagnose the situations correctly, but sometimes we need a template to help us navigate the terrain of these issues.

Hope vs. Wish

Hope=objective reason to believe

Wish-something I desire

Why do I hope?

How do I know it is not just a wish?

Best predictor of future is the past unless something changes!

2 Things needed to change from the past in order to have hope instead of just a wish!

1. New Energy Source

  • What will provide new energy and movement to change the past results we are trying to improve upon?

2. New Template/Structure

  • What is going to be different about how we are organizing that is going to drive different results?
  • Many times you have to realize that poor performers have basically done what they are going to do! You then have to have stomach to make needed changes unless there is evidence their behavior is changing in a positive direction is a speed that is acceptable to the needs of the situation.

Hope spins time!

If you have hope you write another check.

So what is driving this hope that will cause the results to be different?

Diagnostic Question: Why do I have hope and how do I know it is not just a wish?

The best predictor of the future is the past unless something changes!

So, has anything changed to give you hope?


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